You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
