you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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