Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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