I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
