I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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