I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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