After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
