i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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