i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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