Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
