Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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