My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
