just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
whose parrot is this?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
