Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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