his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
