I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
