We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
