Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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