The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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