Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
