oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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