Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Randomize
