So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
