we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
i've created a new STD.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
