all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
