Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Damn victory sex feels great
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
