ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
