I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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