If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
