____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
nutella sex= disaster
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
