what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
