hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
