am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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