She said her name was "party"
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
