I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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