I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
