I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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