i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
