About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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