we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Congratulations! We have a period
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
