oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
