So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
