she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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