Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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