it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
