Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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