nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
