Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
