Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
