can u get pink eye on your cock?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
