So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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