So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
this just has baby written all over it
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
