you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
