so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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